Posted: November 23, 2012 in Home
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I tried to write this in prose but I can’t focus enough to make it work. So I hit the delete button and started again.

I’m angry. So angry I am struggling to hold it back. I’m angry at the world.

Is there something I’ve completely missed about human nature? Here I am endeavouring to the be the best I can be, whilst there are others out there who are in it for their own gain without so much as the beginnings of a thought about who they hurt and the lasting damage they can do with their obviously harming actions.

When you are left feeling like an empty shell, like it’s all your own fault, like you’re worthless. When you feel like there’s no escape, until one day you make it out.

But you’re not free. You’re haunted by the imprints they’ve left. It feels like you’ll never leave it behind. There’s that constant reminder in your dreams that makes you feel that way again. And it never stops. You think you’ll never escape.

This is what their actions do. One small moment in the grand expanse of things and it has you trapped for the rest of your life. You lost control once and you feel like you’ve never had that control back.

If I could change it I would. If I could make sure it never even happened, I would. If I could stop the dreams…

What’s worse is, they’ll never stop, they’ll find someone else.

You start to lose faith.

  1. metta2uall says:

    I don’t understand what you’re going through but it sounds like a tough time. All I can think of saying is that other people can’t be controlled, and we shouldn’t enable them to control our happiness.. Times will change and we’ll probably understand more – “this too will pass”

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