I’ve just put in my ninth application for a team leaders position where I work and, to tell the truth, I already feel like I’ve been denied again. I keep thinking about how each time I’ve felt like they’re asking for more when I haven’t got any more to give. What can I do better that I’m not doing already?

I’m wondering if I should have focused my time and energy on something else. Something more important, perhaps? But this is important. To me, it’s proving myself. I need this. I need to know that I am worth more.

After some recent things I’ve done at work a few people have commented that I’m wasted there. And they’re right. I could have done so much more. And now that I’m stuck with lack of money and time what could I even do about it? A course that would actually get me somewhere would cost a small fortune and given my previous habits, would I even complete the course? I’d have to do something that interests me and challenges me. But when the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do is one thing that it’s completely off the table, where do I start?

Your words can be just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
But the words just disappear

‘Cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
‘Cause my words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
‘Cause I can’t take anymore of this,
I wanna come apart,
or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

‘Cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
yet I always try to hide
‘Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don’t know how I feel
But I know I’ll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed.

‘Cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

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