Does it say muppet on my head?

Posted: May 27, 2012 in Work

Those of you who follow my facebook page will have noticed that recently I made a comment about getting my confidence back… one email changed all that. I’m sure we’ve all had them before certainly in respect of apply for jobs and they typically start ” Dear x, we sorry to say that unfortunately…”

I’ve never been so emotionally confused. I had applied for a position at work after being encourage to do so by my colleagues, team leaders, three shift managers and the departmental manager. Some of my colleagues had the opinion that the advertisement was just a formality and that the job was already mine. Even one or two team leaders seemed convinced I’d already got it.

The first couple of days I was giddy and inwardly excitable about it but realised that it wasn’t guaranteed and reined my self back in. But still I was majorly confident that I stood a good chance.

My colleagues have said to me before that I do too much or I let them take me for granted but there has always been the thought at the back of my mind that it was foundation work for moving up and with this in mind, I thought that all the extra brownie points and kudos would hold me in good stead…

The email was telling me I’d not even got an interview…

I did two things – immediately swore very loudly and repeatedly, outloud, to the dog, to the neighbour, to facebook and twitter… the other was to respond to said email and I’m surprised at how polite it came out.

In regards to the email you have sent regarding the advertised position I would like to request feedback in relation to my unsuccessful attempt for interview.

Having been encourage to apply by various team leaders, shift managers and by the returns manager I find this outcome very disheartening.

Disheartening? I could have at the time said some more choice words but right now what I feel is far from disheartened. I feel destroyed.

While growing up and prior to my diagnosis of lupus everything I did was a bit of a half-arsed effort. Perhaps not intentionally or consciously but on the principle that my best wasn’t needed to get the job done. Since diagnosis my viewpoint, as it typically does with life changing events, has been substantially altered. If I don’t give my everything, I don’t feel like it’s been a job well done. And working “there” for the last year I’ve been raising my personal bar a notch every so often.

Not even an interview. I could do that job standing on my head. This is the fourth time I’ve applied for a promotion, each time I’ve stepped up my game and I was sure that this time I stood a damned good chance… but not even an interview.

To boil it to a point – when you have given everything you’ve got and even pushed beyond your limits and you get no recognition for it, then what?

To me, this feels like they’re telling me I’m not good enough, and when you’ve given everything, sacrificed some of the most important things in life…

And still tonight when everyone else had legged it for the clocking machines at 21.57 I was still there, making sure that paperwork that should be done by a team leader was done since I hadn’t had the chance to do it between dealing with my own end of shift paperwork, someone else’s end of shift paperwork and seeing to the “gun” store.



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