Archive for February, 2012

We might fall…

Posted: February 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

I got up at 3am this morning. It wasn’t a pleasant arousal from slumber but a shove in the side from dearest wife. I’d forgotten to turn my phone on silent and someone had messaged me on facebook. I rolled over thinking I could go back to sleep but somewhere between the aches from the previous day and the consideration of peeing the bed I decided to get up.

As is typically the case when one is up at stupid o’clock I started thinking. To be honest I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. I’m finding myself stuck again but this time it’s not something that a few sessions with a psychiatrist can sort. This is a society problem.

We (as in myself, my wife and son) have ended up with +1 human and +1 mad dog in our tiny two up two down. It’s not forever but it’s long enough for me to feel uncomfortable in my own home. They both snore, are semi incontinent and feel that the post coming through the door is reason for a loud and lengthy conversation.

Work is not the glorious place I tried to convince myself it is. It’s completely arse about face. People climbing the promotional ladder who, however “good a laugh” they may be, have as much competence as blind pilot. And at the same time, perfectly competent people who have developed the respect of their co workers and have been there since the place opened are being stepped down from their positions.

It has become apparent that I set myself up on the next bit. In an effort to prove my worth and retain my job I pushed myself to shine and now what is expected of me appears to be greater than that of my equally paid colleagues.

What one manager says is different to the next and different to the third. I’m asked to do something, told by one or another that what I’m doing is wrong… erm… who am I meant to be listening to again?

I need out of there. The physical aspect is, even while I will deny it face to face, too much for me. The shifts are killing me. I’ve rung in sick today because of the amount of pain I’m in, which, as many of you will know, is ten-fold when you’ve not been sleeping. Perhaps tomorrow will be different…

I want my space back… but I can’t just kick someone out on to the street.
I want my questionable health back. So I’ll get a new job… oh, wait… there aren’t any.
And it wouldn’t go amiss to get a little recognition for the efforts I go to. Would it?

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