I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Posted: October 7, 2011 in Specifically Lupus, Work
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Following on from the previous post this has got to be the most bizarre week I’ve ever had. Emotionally that is. Every time something lifted me up, something got pulled out from underneath me.

I haven’t got my contract at work. Someone, somewhere fucked up and the excuse I got was “we can’t find your paperwork”. So it might be with next months intake.

I spent most of my shift yesterday in a foul mood. When I’d been told about the misplaced paperwork I gritted my teeth, politely nodded and responded with “these things happen…”. I felt like walking out. The RF Gun I was using came very close to not being returned to the gun store in one piece. When I went on processing and the system decided it didn’t like me I very nearly pushed the monitor off the back of the bench.

I have to be completely honest (but it’s probably been noted already) but I have never known communication and paperwork in a workplace be so bad. Every time I’ve put in a holiday form I’ve had to put a second one in and then keep chasing it to get it authorised. The only holiday days I’ve taken have been for hospital appointments. And to top that off, even though they’ve been put in as holidays, I’ve not been paid for them.

But yesterday was Thursday, my last working day of the week, my body and mind were both feeling it but I still managed to get home, watch a bit of TV (the new series of House no less – can’t believe he though it was Lupus…), and generally unwind…

but it was cold. The boiler had packed in, again.

Today I decided (since yesterday it didn’t work out) that it would be a day of small successes. And so far it’s been a good day. I’ve fixed the boiler, tidied the house a bit… oh, and I’ve been asked to write an article for a magazine. πŸ˜€

I was so giddy at first I couldn’t figure out how to reply to the email!

When I first started writing my blog, there was no intention for other people to read it but I also had no intention to hide it. But recently the page views have been increasing and I’ve started logging in just to check my stats, what terms people have searched for to get here, what link they may have clicked… it certainly made me smile when I noticed someone had searched for “hobbit feet” and got to my page.

When I post on here, I update my page on facebook which, in turn, updates twitter. Another thing that makes me smile is “@Dr[xxxxxxxxx]” is now following… , or days when an official hospital account, or a major medical research group, starts following me.

So yeah, I never thought that what I write would be important to someone else. I only ever considered it a way of straightening things out in my own head.

I don’t know what brought you here. I don’t know what you think of this particular entry or even of my blog as a whole. But seeing the stats even at just a single view makes me feel like somebody cares and sometimes, when it comes to Lupus, you don’t need comments, conversation or cuddles.

You just need to know that there is someone stood by your side. Whatever might be happening around you…


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