Just Getting By

Posted: October 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

I was going to post about something last night, but I got tired and went to bed. Okay so maybe tired is an understatement. I only just made it to the top of the stairs. The big surprise was finding another man asleep next to my wife, but once I’d moved him back to his own room and changed the dribble covered pillow case I was more than ready to sleep.

I managed to get 11 hours sleep. Or at least 11 hours unconscious. It certainly didn’t feel like 11 hours sleep while I was rushing around trying to gather my bits for work. But I’m going off on a tangent…

So the title… “just getting by”, it seems that’s what my life is about. But that’s not me and never has been. Everything I do is an effort at perfection and excellence. If I see something that could be improved upon I don’t just stand there and deal with it. I try to perfect it.

In my old place of work there was many a time where I came across something that had been done an archaic way and I could see a more efficient and up to date way of doing it. If it only takes a few minutes to implement a potentially money saving, environmentally friendly, less time consuming way of doing something it makes sense to do it. Right?

Needless to say my dinosaur of a boss didn’t see such changes as a good thing. “If it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it” seemed to be his motto. Fair enough, sometimes that’s the case, but like I say, why settle for good when excellent is only a few steps away.

But…

Today I feel like I’ve been let down. Since May I’ve been striving to be as good as, if not better than, the people I work around. You see, I have a point to prove. I feel like I need to prove that I am an asset if not to others then at least to myself.

I applied back in January through an agency for a trainers position. If I hadn’t chased my initial application I doubt I would be working there now. I rang on a weekly basis to see if I could get a start date and it eventually paid off. But it wasn’t a trainer position. Given the fact that I just needed some form of income I was grateful for anything, so I put up with it.

Don’t get me wrong, for the most part I enjoy my job. But it’s not exactly the most satisfying thing I’ve ever done. I don’t find that sense of achievement that I got out of other work that I’ve done.

The idea of working through the agency was that after 8 weeks I’d get a review to see if I was up to standard, followed by receiving a contract 4 weeks later.

I had my review at week 13. My review didn’t go according to plan, apparently I’d clocked in a minute late from my break on a few occasions. I could’ve make all manner of excuses for this but given my ambition to be excellent and perfect in everything I do I took it as an opportunity to correct this discrepancy in my time keeping. This held my contract back by an additional five weeks. I should have been due for my contract on the 19th August. Because they only run one bulk intake per month I should have originally got my contract in September, but because of the review being late and not up to standard this should’ve moved it to this months intake. The list of names for this months contracts went up on the board today. My name wasn’t on it.

But then there’s this trainers position I originally applied for.

I’d heard through the grapevine about a month ago that some more trainers positions were opening up so I took it upon myself to email the recruitment manager to express my interest in such a role.

I’m led to believe, after talking with a few of the trainers at work, that there may be an opportunity to join the training team.

Having done a lot of training/assessing before with the Army Cadet Force, St John Ambulance and the British Heart Foundation, I wanted to express my interest in such a role.

Presently I am working in the Returns department, however I am trained in pick, pack, sortation, returns putaway, returns processing and some of the returns admin roles. I also have a limited amount of experience with Goods In.

I have some certificates that I have put in my locker at work  and I can also get references if needed.

If you would like to speak to me at work I’m usually on the returns benches and I work alternating weekly shifts of 6-2 and 2-10, Sun-Thurs. My Team Leader is Xxxx Xxxxxxx. Otherwise the best way to get me is through email.

I hope you will consider this as I believe I have a lot that I can offer and bring to the team.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Just to clarify, “a lot” is eight years worth and “certificates” are nationally recognised qualifications.

Because I had no initial response and I presumed my email had gotten lost in cyberspace I sent a further email along similar lines the week after and then again towards the end of last week.

I found out today (at around the same time as I wanted to put my fist through the contracts noticeboard) that they are interviewing for ten vacancies tomorrow. Since I’ve not heard anything I’m working on the assumption that I have been overlooked.

Not wanting to come across big headed (but I’m sure it will anyway) but I would love to know which ten people have got more experience in training and assessing and how many of them have been trained in all the different departments in the warehouse…

I feel like I’m reaching that point again. That point where I stop trying quite so damned hard and just get on with it. Certainly today my predominant thoughts have been “why do I bother” and “I just don’t give a shit about it now”. Mainly because I just don’t have the energy to keep fighting and chasing for something that seems forever out of reach.

It got to the point tonight where I thought “one more thing and I’m outta here, damned be the consequences!”

With what I’m doing at the moment I’m already wearing myself down and pushing myself beyond my lupie limits, a trainers position would at least be in my comfort zone. It would also be something that would give me that sense of satisfaction and achievement at the end of the day.

Some of you may be aware of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Generally seen depicted as a pyramid with the greatest needs at the bottom leading up to “self-actualisation” up at the top.

Without the needs of the bottom level fulfilled you cannot focus on the level above. And so on and so forth.

Needless to say, my psychological stability seems to have fallen over at the bottom. I’m not on a contract at work and could be “no longer required” at any moment. My health, well that one’s self explanatory. Money is limited… you can see where this is going?

But in all fairness, it will for the most part end up falling over towards the bottom there. Short of a miracle my health will always play a big part. Some days I can get on with it, Some days I can’t. It’s never stopped me from pushing towards that top stone of the pyramid though. The way things are at the moment, I’m wondering whether I should stop pushing for the top.

Maybe I should just be content with “getting by”…

Oh, and I burnt my head in the shower in my rush this morning 😦

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