Archive for August, 2011

I’m angry. I don’t do angry. In fact you could say I HATE being angry. And I don’t do hate very often either.

Friday I was angry at my body. It was out right refusing to do what I wanted it to do. My whole right side had basically given up the chase and decided it was going to be dragged around all day by my left side. Unfortunately by the afternoon my left side decided to go on strike due to pay and conditions.

Saturday started off okay but then… [redacted] …and that is one thing in life that should never be tolerated by anyone. It was enough to make me want to go round, kick in the door, smash skulls, break legs…. I even considered calling in a “favour” from a “friend” (the sort of favour that is measured by 5.56mm, 7.62mm, or 9mm calibre). However, I came to the conclusion that there’d probably be a queue…

Sunday…. a day of rest… of peace and tranquillity… when all should be right in the world… when families go to church and sing hymns, recite psalms and praise God for the good lives that they have all been given…. and I started work at 06:00. I was still focusing on Friday and Saturday (mainly Saturday) and made several mistakes… scratch that… it was just one big mistake with a few moments of lucidity in between.

But the big one came when a fellow Lupie pointed out an “interesting article” published by the Daily Mail. Congratulations on the effort to make Lupus more well known *claps hands in glee* but next time you publish a health article make sure that: the headline matches the article, the article is medically accurate, and not riddled with inaccuracies. *Goes to find a Barrett .50 cal and loads rounds with the editors name* – Click Here For The ArticleClick Here To Tell The Editor They’re A Jackass.

If you’re on Facebook you can always read the comments placed on the forums of “Lupus UK” and “I Have Lupus, What’s Your Excuse?

And finally today….

My shift started at 06:00, unfortunately I did not start with it. I was in bed and my alarm, that I had checked the night before, had simply not gone off. Ironically enough, one of the best nights sleep I’ve had in a long while. And yet one of the worst starts to a new day. I’m usually up at 04:00 so I can take my Omeprazole with a single mouthful of water, to then wait an hour to take Plaquenil, Loratidine, Prednisolone, Ibuprofen…. and to have something to eat, a coffee and a smoke.

Needless to say, I had none of the above.

I clocked in at 06:30, not knowing if my friend who I usually pick up was there or not (I assumed not since they weren’t answering my texts) to get a mucky look from the agency staff at the fire register along with twenty questions. My team leader, I think, was a bit more empathetic and didn’t criticise and also kindly pointed out that my friend had made it in and where they were. I then found out that… [redacted] …which made me feel so guilty to have put them in that situation, I must have said sorry a hundred times today.

Adrenaline had luckily carried me to about 09:00 before my body suddenly realised I’d not taken any of my meds. And when I say suddenly, I almost hit the deck. Deep breaths and a certain level of dignified composure carried me to my break 09:30 where I caught up on some but not all of my meds (I usually restock my little box first thing before I leave for work). And what was I missing? Painkillers and anti-spasmodics. Uncomfortable wasn’t the word (although my eyes weren’t as painfully dry as usual…). I was actually quite surprised at how quick the rest of the shift went (although I still had a fair few mistakes going on without my usual level of focus).

To top that off, a thoughtful customer had decided to return an item to us neatly folded…. and held together with pins. I didn’t notice at first and to be honest the actual physical element of being stabbed with pins didn’t bother me since I didn’t feel it. It’s the fact that it could have been someone else and it could have been worse. Thank Lupus for sticky blood!

And after dropping my friend off home some complete and utter [redacted]@£$%$[redacted]”£%$£@[redacted]$£%#[redacted]**#”$*[redacted] decided to pull out of a junction as I was accelerating when he quite clearly saw me coming. Since I quickly realised an emergency stop would have put me on his lap I decided to turn into the one way junction he’d just pulled out of, while heavily braking which left me sideways in a national speed limit area. He sped off and yet some other kind soul managed to stop their car, come over and see if I was alright. I was somewhat shaken and, given the pain I was already in, agony from forcing my body to do something it wasn’t keen on doesn’t quite cover it. I put the car right, carried on down the road to a nice safe spot and got out for a bit. I hope he gets [redacted].

Anyways I think that’s enough for now since my right hand side is playing merry hell again and one handed typing is hard enough at the best of times…