Week 6 at work.

Posted: July 4, 2011 in Work
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So 6 weeks ago I started my new job and, although it’s not exactly the most challenging as far as jobs go, it has been…   interesting.

The first couple of weeks were general aches and pains that I associated with getting into the walking around and being on my feet and climbing up and down stairs but in all honesty it hasn’t settled down. If anything I have been getting generally worse.

For the most part I’ve been putting up those barriers that I used 18 months ago when it all started kicking off at my last place of work and dosing myself to the eyeballs with whatever pain killers I can get my hands on.

I’m just a little concerned that I’m pushing myself to keep up with those around me and that sooner or later I’ll find out that I’ve done some major damage. Although in saying that I now know that my kidneys have even further reduced their function and I’ve been wondering if this has been from pushing myself at work.

I’ve been having a major flare and have been doing really well to keep it hidden from everyone, although I think my wife has cottoned on and is concerned. Work were informed when I first started there that I had issues… I believe my exact quote was “this medical form isn’t big enough…” but from prior experience they don’t care until performance is affected.

Nobody has noticed my occasional wincing or doubling over which is a mixed blessing. I even managed to make it through a few different days with migraines. I don’t want to appear weaker or any different to anyone else but at the same time I want someone to know what’s going on so they can… well… I don’t really know. Maybe some support or maybe I need someone to tell me I’m a fool and to wait for a nice part time desk job to turn up.

But what do you do when you need to bring money in? The government has an interesting view on it. I now get paid almost double in benefits because I’m working. Seems a bit backward to me.

For the first time in months I am crying my eyes out. Things just seem so unfair. Why should I have to put myself at risk and in pain everyday when there are people out there who squander the life they have been given. I try my damnest to help those around me, be they strangers or friends, and I ask for no gratitude but the shit that this world kicks into play just spoils things.

I just feel so lost and confused… with everything.

I guess I could do with a miracle. Or maybe a few.

Stupid migraine coming on again now and I’m getting up for work in five hours.

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