And now for something completely different…

Posted: July 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

…in a change to my usual posts relating to my illness I’ve decided to get onto something quite generic.

This post isn’t going to include any specific details. It will be vague to the point of obscurity but I guess I need to at least write something.

I’m being bugged by a thought. Just the one but whatever spare moment my brain has it keeps coming back to the same thing. Have you ever had a completely accidental thought that, in the moment you thought it, you knew what you were thinking was wrong. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing illegal or depraved, but it goes against all the ethics and morals I have thus far prided myself on being a great upholder of.

And although I know what I was thinking shouldn’t have been thought, was the error in thinking it in the first place and thus showing some form of underlying process or would the error be in acting upon that thought?

And where is that thin line drawn? I’m still thinking about it and although I still interpret the thought as being wrong I haven’t completely dismissed the idea. Under the right (or wrong) set of circumstances would I convert the thought to action or would my ethics and morals stand up to the test.

I should just completely dismiss the idea because this initial opportunity has (for the most part) passed but the question remains, if the situation were to arise again would I go and put both feet in without a bit of forethought.

One could argue that had I not made the initial realisation of the thought being wrong I could have scrubbed the whole thing off as an honest mistake (had I gone through with it that is) but now that I have already run the course in my mind I would be not be so innocent.

But by still running the thought process and even writing this entry have I already made the mistake a thousand times over and in some way preparing myself for the inevitability of making the actual event happen in the future?


Perfect sense, eh?

  1. Carrie Ann says:

    I think you should not be so hard on yourself. We all are human. Even us moral people. lol A

    thought is a thought. The problem starts at the time you act on it. It sounds like maybe your inner self is telling you what to do. If it will affect your health in the long run go the other way. 🙂 Been there done that. You have the answer. 🙂

    • Lupoid says:

      Hey Carrie,

      Thanks for the response. The thought is still there but I now believe that I’m strong enough to look the other way, however torn up and confused I may be. But it has now put me in the position where I will have to re-evaluate a few things. But not all at once (I think if I tried to do it all at once my tiny little mind would explode!)

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